Often I am wondering where my energy has left. In the past I was working so much on my projects, I was full with energy, plans, motivation and excitement to create. I was spending all my time and knowledge on it. Nothing was driving me further more then working for my creations, to experiment with different tools, and simply to keep on going.
Sometimes I find old images I created and I get melancholic, remembering the times when I was editing late at night on a tiny desk. These pictures below are from the time when I still went to school, all from 2008, I was 15 at that time. I was just about to explore the possibilities of Photoshop. „Photo manipulations“ was my jam, years before people started calling it „fine art photography“ or „compositing“. Back in those days I was so passionate to create, nothing else would made me more happy. Spending hours, sleepless nights, so many resources and all my free time. Scrolling though the endless bottom of creations the world wide web was offering, I was full of inspiration and urge to continue. It’s not that long ago.. but it feels like it has been forever. And a lot has changed since.
My passion to create still exists in me, but the drive to actually do it has turned upside down. I am less active, I barley move. It feels like I have turned to stone, a cold stone underneath a layer of ice and snow. Every once in a while a creative heatwave would melt my freeze. But that has become more and more rarely.
I want find out what made that change in me, what stole my motivation. My goal is to understand the differences between back then and now, today. And maybe, hopefully that understanding will help me with further creations.
(chronology of creation is from down to top)
//Personal random thoughts / learnings about this time
(Let’s call it my photoshop revolution, the photo-manip-time. lol.)
Staring being creative I was posting most of my work on my deviantart account (http://eyliphca.deviantart.com/) . Looking at the images above, I am more then stunned how much I was able to learn and create in such a short time. Especially if you take a look and compare those with my first photoshop creations here and here. Only 4 months lie in between, which to me now seems insanely productive (especially as I did more then the images above, those are „just“ some of the once I like).
To create new worlds in which I got lost in for hours, I was using different stock images from deviantart. I remember spedning long nights on my slow computer, being the most happy person. The feeling of ultimate possibilities was running through my veins, and I could not get enough of it.
It was my hobby, my chance to escape the real world.
I created my own imaginary worlds. And I just did it for myself. There was no pressure to create, nothing. Just the ultimate urge to create another wild, weird and colourful fantasy.
What was different between then and now, that made me having much more fun back then?
- no pressure on doing anything
- no comparison with other artists
- no fear to look at other people’s work
- it was just a damn hobby
- exploration of the possibilities of a new tool
- new tool = new options = change = excitement
- investing of time & resources without evaluating their benefit
- no hesitation, I just did it.
- preference for desaturated color tones.
- preference for mono-color
- I have liked flying hair and tiny details back then too
- My stile was already weird when I was 15. And I like it! 😀